Monday, 25 June 2012

Glitch (Glitch #1) by Heather Anastasiu


My rating: 2.5 of 5 stars

STORY/PLOT

In Zoel's underground world, the Community, everybody is Linked, making them devoid of emotions and personal thoughts, making them creatures of order and peace.

V-chip Linked people (Non-Glitchers)

But Zoe's different, she has started Glitching, making her capable to feel and think. And if anybody learns about her 'anomaly', she'd be re-fitted with a new V-chip, taking her freedom all over again. But there is a bigger secret that Zoe is trying to hide, her glitching has given her 'Jean Grey' kind telekinetic powers.



She thought she was alone, until she found a friend in both fellow Glichers: Max and Adrien. But this is just the beginning. Both Adrien and Max know some dirty secrets of the Uppers that might trigger the whole 'world-changing' switch on everyone. Now she they have to find a way to reach above-ground before they're caught.
(Man, I'm so bad at blurbs, but this book isn't that good either)
~

WARNING: Contains mild spoilers! Though I might do you a favor by saving you from 370 pages of torment, dystopian style.

The start of the book had been very promising and interesting but 50 pages into the book and it had turned a bit boring and child-like. Adrien is basically some love-struck kid, who seems more V-chip controlled than Zoe. And of course, the only shining part of his personality - the only thing that we deduce from Zoe's deduction of him - is his shining 'beautiful aquiline eyes'. I mean author is so constantly obsessing over it, it feels like Zoel is crushing over his eyes rather than Adrien himself. Got beautiful eyes? I LOVE YOU. Ugh.

Max had seemed just the dream guy in the first place, but like every other character he decided to go and blow every single bit of my expectations up.

 
My Expectations


You know, since it seems all he is concerned for is getting laid, typical jock mentality fast-fowarded into a dystopian society. But he's still better than the lovey-dovey Adrien. Even with his "Can I see your genitalia?" comment. Oh, yes, you read right. He did say that. As if that perverted comment wasn't enough to make me cringe, the following image \/ \/ \/ popped into my dirty mind of its own account.
Ugh... *shudders*

I don't think I recovered after that. This book just went downhill from there. Oh, because Adrien had decided to butt his lovey-dovey aqua-marine ass back more frequently.

And did I mention the scary Chancellor, who intimidated and indirectly threatened Zoe was actually - shocker - the bad person.

 At least the train scene was good. If only the author could have killed off Zoel just after she saved the young girl at the market, Max after his delighting entry (the only delighting thing about him in the whole book) and Adrien anytime before he lost his heart - *cough* balls *cough* to a girl he didn't knew much about.

What.Is.Bloody.Happening.

Though character development was mostly nil, the plot itself was alright, a bit irritating and at times unclear. This story had the potential to be so much more. The characters too, but the author made them so unrealistic. Adrien was too good and too soft, especially when the author wanted him to have a hard past, which didn't make sense in my opinion. How could he have been alone when there were people out in Rez? So you can say, Rez and above-ground were concepts quite unclear to me.


 
Me, halfway through the book

The author kept mentioning uneeded usless things to fill up the spaces between the main scenes. And most of the main scenes didn't even seem that significant. This story drastically failed to pull me in. It felt like some teenager wrote this, hell I have even read teenagers write better. Take it from me, the Wattpad junkie, that I have read better.

The author has such an interesting blog and website, the cover is abso-freaking-lutely gorgeous, the idea really cool (I just can't get over how badly the author went Friday the 13th on this) but the story just couldn't interest me.

There were times I was absolutely intrigued, but these moments went just as they came. 

Just like this cat

I wouldn't have been hard on this story, if I hadn't been anticipating this book for months all the while holding high expectations. Glitch had been such a wonderful idea and Heather Anastasiu just effing bazooka-ed it.

There was one person who I actually appreciated and that was Adrien's mother. She just won my heart with this line - Your teenage hormones and overactive imagination have made you obsessed [with Zoe].

I approve of this woman


MEET THE MAIN CHARACTERS (OR THROTTLE-MEs) OF GLITCH 


Warning: I just couldn't get Adrien's 'shunting', 'cracking' and 'godlam'd' curses off my frigging mind, so the further post will subject you some weird-ass curses mentioned again and again like some nursery rhyme sung by people hooked on crack set on repeat.

MAXIMIN (THE RESIDENT PERVERT)

 
Max on any normal day with Zoe

The only character I believed had the potential to be so much more was Max. But the author was so busy antagonizing him as selfish, not right for and obsessed with Zoe  his personality came across as one-faceted. Max could have had so many layers and a different depth to his kinda deranged mind, enough to make one confused whether to like him or not. Which then would have made sense when Zoe thought of him as her best friend.

If I ever unfortunately cross paths with Max:

Oh, Maximin, you shunting godlam'd bastard, you broke my heart. You were the only one I dared have expectations for and you shuntin' broke it with your irritating, animalistic act. Your characterization was just painful. You were pretty sweet when you had no emotions or at least acting like it.

Max, can't get the girl? Get someone else godlam'd pregnant! That'll surely have your woman running at you like some guy who has just dumped half-a-bottle of Axe on himself. Shunting genius! No, it was sarcasm, you jerk!

Pikachu Zoe and the sweet little part-smurf part penguin pokemon Max

Also, Zoe doesn't want you, SO WHAT?! That doesn't mean you would shrug off the responsibility of a teenager you got pregnant, give up your chance to ever get to above ground and get cracking mind-controlled by a glitching maniac all over again, even after she got you badly beaten and forced you to hit your head with your own bloody fist.

Note: I don't get why anybody would let Max go back, knowing he could be easily manipulated by the Chancellor again, risking the information about Rez's secret escape routes, the manual overdrives that still worked and the new extent of Zoe's powers.


ZOE (THE MARY SUE OF DYSTOPIAN WORLD)

Though a huge part of this book was about Zoe coming to terms with her overwhelming emotions, sadly I couldn't feel those emotions. Which made Zoe a difficult character to connect with. Most of the time Zoe was alone, confused and in danger to be caught, yet I couldn't feel the fear, helplessness, struggle for control and loneliness that Zoe was supposedly feeling. I also couldn't feel the chemistry between Zoe and Adrien, and Zoe's love for her brother Markan. It felt like Zoe was tied by a feeling of responsibilty to her younger brother instead of her love for him.

If I ever bummed into Zoel (the following occurs after a cracking awesome kick, ninja-style from my part) : 


Zoe, show some feelings darling. 
You know where this is going

Exactly ;)

I know it's not been long since you'd been glitching but doesn't that mean you should be assaulted by emotions after shunting emotions? The only time you felt real was when you realised you had led to your own older brother's deactivation. And really, after getting all your precious emotions to yourself, all you can mostly see in Adrien is his godlam'd blue-green eyes? Plus, you irritate the hell out of me. But, don't worry, not as much as the boys. Still most of the time I ran through your babble on Adrien only lodging "aquiline blah blah blah intense green blah blah blah aquamarine blah blah blah most of all his eyes drew me in blah blah blah his eyes." Oh, shut up. Is there nothing more to a guy than his eyes?

Adrien and Zoel's love story

Zoe, don't be a hard-ass! Everything isn't about you and Adrien. Which is highly irritating since most of the time all you babbled about was saving everyone. Bullshit! When Max tried to escape with you, you put him in danger and got yourself caught over some gooey feeling in your stomach for a guy who betrayed you. You just started feeling and understanding emotions and suddenly you're in love! You can't even godlam'd describe it, you didn't even knew what sorry meant. Max gave you such a strong proof and still you tried to deny the truth and even thought to find him before your embarrassing, infamous capture. You just infuriate me, you shallow piece of rusted V-chip! 


ADRIEN (THE LOVE-STRUCK ASS-ACHE WHO USES 'ANOMALOUS' CURSE WORDS)

Adrien around Zoe

Adrien, you godlam'd son of a shunt. If Max is an animal, you are just a shallow, migraine of a human. You simply have no depth to inrigue me. And I believe it's the book's mistake that you couldn't show us the needed life. But then, who told you to fall in love with a godlam'd girl you only know for few shunting hours? I know there was a shortage of teenage girls in Rez, that doesn't mean you have to go all Edward Cullen on the first girl who shows some interest in you. Especially since, he's a leech and you don't even shuntin' sparkle (which is creepy). So seriously man, grow some godlam'd balls.

"You made me realize I'd taken for granted how beautiful life can be." Adrien to Zoe, a few hours after they met for the first time (most of during which Zoe was screaming, hyper-ventilating and passed out).

Adrien, I don't know what all you've suffered and all that pain you've felt and all the people you've watched fall apart. But it's not my shunting fault that you forgot to mention it! And how do you fall in love with a girl you barely know, and who has some very strong feelings for a guy who is obsessed with her! (Ok, here I go again, but seriously, this is like the Twilight of dystopians, and Twilight doesn't hold any fond memory for me, oh except me throwing the book at my bro.)

PROFANITY WORD COUNT (I dedicate the following observation to Adrien, his curse-words helped me make this review PG13) 


No, it's not, hot Supernatural guy.

I counted how many times Adrien unnecessarily used profanities (Just the same three ones repeated over and over like a dam of worse-ever curses broke and the took Adrien in a flood until I wanted to strangle him with a piece of wire whenever he used them).

Shunting/Shuntin'/Shunt/Shunted/Shunter - 26

Godlam'd - 13

Cracking/Crackin' - 25 (Only when being used as profanity.)

5 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness LOL!! I don't think I'll ever get over how hilariously fun your reviews are to read! x) It's too bad that this book fell flat because it sounds like it had SO much potential to be amazing. And holy bleepness, I can't believe he actually asked that really disturbing questions! My eyes just fell out of my eyes a little LOL...

    Thank you so much for the amazing honest review, Priya! Imperfect book or not, you just made my day with this review :') <3

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  2. Thanks Mimi! I had been so excited about this book and it really disappointed, especially since insta-love makes me all bitchy.
    I'm glad you liked the review!

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  3. Wow you are waaay more cold-hearted than me girl.I like it. ;)

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  4. You know me, Nobonita, I'm awesome like that ;)

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